Golden advice for parents

‘Bond With Your Child, Early….’

‘My father now expects me to sit with him and talk heart to heart; he suddenly seems interested in all that is happening in my world. I remember when I was younger, I longed for this kind of affection that he shows now, but he never gave it. Here I am, in my early twenties, my mother is late, my elder sister who is getting married soon is my confidant (and you too aunty lol), I am wondering how I will cope in her absence…….

‘well, sis mi, life continues, I will find a way around it and of course, I can always run to your flat, or I’m I not welcome?’ she asked with a smile.

‘Any day you are welcome my aburo from another mother’.

EFE is my neighbour’s daughter, she took to my children immediately we moved into our new apartment and she sometimes confides in me anytime she has issues. This is the reason her father approached me to speak with her on his behalf; he wants me to speak to her about opening-up to him.

As I spoke with her, I tried remembering my own childhood too, different questions running through my mind, and I decided to do a serious evaluation of my relationship with my children. The above scenario is majorly common among men and their children, it is difficult for a child you refuse (though unintentionally at times) to bond with in childhood to grow and make you his/her confidant. Day by day parents (especially fathers) get disconnected from their children without knowing it. You wake up one day and then discover your child is a stranger living under your roof, he rather confides in his peers than confide in you.

Just like divorce among couples, this kind of disconnection does not occur in a day, taking a cue from the wise saying ‘if you fail to plan, then you are planning to fail.’

I will say bonding with children requires deliberate attempt, conscious effort has to be made to get your children close to you. And it may be too late when they are already in their teens, so the time to start bonding with them is right from the day they are born.

Below are ways you can bond with your children.

At Birth: Cuddle them and speak to them right from the day they are born.Look into your child’s eyes and speak to him as if he understands you.Express yourself to him/her and always remember to smile at him, you will be surprised that your baby will smile back at you once in a while. Children love to be touched by their parents, so do not starve your children of hugs, kisses, and pats on the back.

Have a Diary for Your child:Right from the day you give birth to your child, create a diary for her, record as many things as you want your child to remember ( the diary is not for keeping scores with your spouse, hence one diary is enough for the two of you).

Record all her ‘firsts’:Smile, step, day at school and so on, tell her how proud of her you are when she helped you clean the house e.t.c. You decide when to give the diary to her, maybe at age 18, her graduation day, wedding day e.t.c. The diary is to help her realize how interested you have been about her world.

Deliberately spend time with your Child: Create a particular time for just you and that child, it may be as short as 15 minutes, just make it a quality one. Each child deserves this time, so make time for each child (lol). Let them look forward to that time, it may be once a month, a week, do what works for you please.

Play with Your Child: Introduce family game time, make it memorable time so they look forward to it.

Visit New Places: Let them come up with places they will like to visit and plan towards visiting those places.

Fulfil Your Promises to Your Child: Children are big on this (lol). Be conscious of your promises and fulfil them.

FORparents with grown up children, all hope is not lost, all you need do is start  TODAY. Do you know your child’s email address? Write them a passionate letter, let them know how proud of them you are, check up on them daily, you could call, send sms, chat with them. Call them on weekends and gist with them.Please if you remember any incident that occurred in the past and you need to apologise about it, do go ahead and apologise to them. Above all pray for them, let them know you are praying for them daily.

I encourage you to practice at least one of the tips we have mentioned here this week. Till next time, keep on bonding……..

Send your questions or comments about parenting to Sandra at

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