Dealing with Temper tantrums

TEMPER tantrums can be frustrating for any parent, but instead of seeing them as disasters, treat them as opportunities to have teachable moments with your children.

Tantrums are very common in children between the ages of 1 – 3 years because their social and emotional skills are just starting to develop and because they don’t know how to manage their feelings and emotions.

Tantrums are a normal part of child development, and because children are not vocal enough to really express themselves, they throw tantrums to show that they are frustrated and upset, but as they get older and improve on their language skills, tantrum episodes decrease.

Tantrums happen for different reasons: when children are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable.

Tantrums manifest as whining, crying, screaming, kicking, biting, hitting etc.

Once you decide to be intentional as a parent, you can successfully diffuse or avoid full blown tantrum episodes.

Here are some ways you can achieve this;

1. Catch your child being good.

This means that when you find your child doing something commendable, praise him for exactly what he did. For instance, if your child shared his toys with his friend or sibling, say this to the child, “Oh darling, I loved how you shared your toys with your sister”; “I loved how you didn’t hit your sister when she pushed you.”

When you say things like these, you are reinforcing the good behavior you want to keep seeing. When you get specific as to the exact thing the child has done, the child understands the exact behavior you want him to keep displaying.

2. Fill their positive attention tank.

Every child has emotional and physical needs that have to be met. Physical needs can be food, clothes, shelter etc. while emotional needs can be attention, bonding activities, affirmation etc.

Most times, children act inappropriately because they need positive attention. You need to spend quality time with them and be emotionally present as well.

When you create time to play with them, talk with them, listen to them, you are filling their positive attention tank and this boosts their confidence level. They are happy to know that they are your priority and this drastically reduces tantrums.

A child who doesn’t receive positive attention from the parents is more likely to give in to social vices.

3. Give them control over little things.

Children act inappropriately when they feel powerless and frustrated, so when you give them some sort of power over little things, they will behave better. For instance, you can delegate the task of “bath commander” to one of your children. So, his job will be to parade everyone to the bathroom when its bath time; that way, the child feels empowered, he feels very responsible and capable because you gave him control over getting everyone ready for bath time. You can put another child in charge of chore time, so he sees to it that everyone does their chores.

So, just find little ways you can creatively make your child feel powerful.

4. Give healthy choices.

Choices make children feel they have control over certain things. For instance, you want to go out shopping with your child and you know that your child is going to refuse because of the show he is watching on TV, instead of saying, “Darling it’s time to go”, instead give him choices, say:

”Darling, would you like to wear your red t-shirt and blue pants so we can go out shopping? Or would you prefer to wear your yellow t-shirt and black pants instead?”

When you do this, you have indirectly told the child that you will not take no for an answer, so he will go ahead to pick one option.

This empowers the child because he has been able to exercise control by making his choice as regards his outfit.

5. Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach.

For instance, your children are playing and you can sense that if one child picks up a particular toy, the other child will get upset and a fight will probably start, what you need to do is quickly remove that toy stylishly. What you have just done is that you have removed the off-limits toy from the scene.

So, think about what triggers your child’s tantrum. Does he throw tantrums when you take the remote control from him? Then hide it. Does he start crying for your bottle of coke when he sees you with it? Then pour your coke in a cup and enjoy your drink… lol.

So, what we are trying to achieve is to create an environment with less triggers for the children.

6. Distract your child.

When you see an impending tantrum, just do something to distract your child. For instance, if you know your child will throw a tantrum when you change the TV channel, then instead of changing it abruptly, give him a new toy, not the one he has been playing with; that way, you are trying to distract his attention, you are trying to make sure he is not focused on the TV when you are changing the channel.

Another instance is when your child is playing with his sibling or friend and you can sense that if the other child takes a particular toy, he will get upset; before it gets to that point, bring out another toy and try using it to play with him (you are actually trying to distract him).

So, when you sense a tantrum episode coming, start a new activity to replace the frustrating one, or change the scene (environment) by moving to another part of the home.

7. Know your child’s limits.

If your child is tired or hungry, that is not the best time to ask him to come and read or write or go out for a walk; he probably needs to eat or get some rest first.

So, you need to observe your child and note his cues, his triggers, the things that irritate him, that way, you can easily and smartly avert or avoid tantrum episodes.

In the next episode, I’ll be sharing what you need to do when a tantrum still occurs even after you have done all of these steps listed above.

Did you find this helpful?

For more information or questions, please send a chat to 08154299992 or find me on Instagram @winninginparenting.