When your spouse is moody…

IHEANYI loves his wife Nancy dearly; even though they have been married for a decade, he still feels so much joy hearing his wife laugh. They have four children, all very active; you need to see them playing as a family, then you will desire to be married (if single) and blessed with such fun-loving family. The only snag is Nancy’s moodiness that gets in the way occasionally. She could go moody suddenly, yell at every little mistake anyone makes, refuse to pick up phone calls etc. Once in this mood, everyone tiptoes around the house.

IT could be frustrating staying around a moody spouse who gets upset at the slightest provocation. It is worse when you have children around, because they do not understand why daddy or mummy does not want to play, talk, or do stuffs with them. Some people even feel guilty when their spouse is moody because they think they are the cause of the moodiness. Your love for this person makes you feel compelled to help, you feel you should make him or her feel better, but the trouble is your effort rather than helping may appear to be making the mood worse.

So what do you do? It is very important to know that your spouse’s moodiness may not be necessarily connected to you or your children; it may be due to external factor that you have no control over. It may be from his office – having to cope with difficult boss or colleague, lack of finances, extended family issues; it could be health-wise as some women feel moody at a certain time of their monthly cycle etc.

Whatever may be the reason for your spouse’s moodiness, he or she may not want to get you involved, so this is not a period to go on asking questions repeatedly and demanding answers from your mate; it is not also a period for you to lose your own joy else you have two moody people under the same roof. You can ask him or her once/twice what the problem is lovingly.

‘Honey, I sense you are not feeling on top, do you want us to talk about it?’ If he answers in the affirmative sit down and listen attentively without interrupting or judging. If you are the cause of the foul mood, do not go on the defensive, first apologise and later state the reason for your own action. If she says later, let it go, do not fuss over it.

You can write a small note and drop it where he or she will see it or send a mail or text message; for instance, ‘whatever it is you are going through please know I am always here for you and will be ready to listen and help in any way I could’. After this, give your spouse space. Resist the urge to talk some sense into him or her; at times the person just needs space to cool down. Just being alone without disturbance from people could help ease off the mood. Do not get in the way; use this period to reflect too. You can play inspirational music or place inspirational book where he or she will see it.

As much as possible let the house be well lit and neat. Say stuff like ‘if you need anything please call my attention, I am in the children’s room’. Avoid anything that will aggravate the mood. Give him or her time and space to work through this difficult emotion.

After your partner must have cooled down it is important you both discuss the issue of his/her mood swing and let him/her realise how it affects you and the children too. Also ask them what they expect from you whenever they are moody.  

Above all, I believe the greatest help you can render to a moody spouse is prayer. Take it to your Creator, ask Him to help sort out your spouse. He knows just what to do.

It the moodiness becomes overly persistent you should both seek medical attention.

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