Does your marriage have goals?

FUNKE dropped her diary and sighed, a feeling of emptiness enveloped her: ‘yes, I achieved my purpose of getting married… so, what next?’ she said to the empty room.

Going down the memory lane, she remembered how she and her friends were so eager to get married.  

Sayo, Ngozi and Deola were the first to ‘go off the shelf’  (a term they coined in their group for getting married). Tracy and herself got married exactly three years after the trio. How worried they both were, how their parents stressed them before it eventually happened. She never thought she was going to miss spinsterhood the way she is doing now, checking on the other four, she found out that they too are missing being single, being free, having control over your time, money, your decision without having to check up with someone else…

“So why were we in a hurry to get married?” They had asked themselves during a recent ‘girls time out’.

Some people experience this kind of feelings after few years in marriage. They feel lost, underachieved, unfulfilled and displeased with themselves, and seem to have nothing to look forward to aside their careers (for those who have one) and most female folks in this category turn their focus towards their children at the expense of their spouse sometimes. 

ONE of the ways to avoid this kind of feeling is to have goals for your marriage. Most people enter the marriage journey without goals aside starting a family (especially in my part of the world).

There is more to a marriage than having and raising children, the earlier couples settle down to have goals for their marriage the higher the success rate of the marriage and the more fulfilled they become as married couples.

Goals give you something to look forward to; they energise you, help you rely on each other and keep you optimistic. Setting goals together means spending more time together which is quite beneficial for your relationship. As you achieve your goals you feel a sense of fulfilment and this reinforces the bond between the couples. Having goals in marriage also insulate your marriage from lassitude and boredom that creep into marriage. Then there is the advantage of ‘reduction in conflicts.’

Like every other goal, your marriage goals can be short, medium or long term. It is expedient you agree on these goals together, write your them down together, review them quarterly together and celebrate your wins together while setting higher ones. The major word here is ‘together’.

LET us look at examples of goals you can set as couples. Keeping fit, yearly medical check-up for both of you, reaching and maintaining the ideal fitness and being healthy, yearly vacation, once-a-month dating.

Having parenting goals cannot be overemphasised; when to have children, spacing of the children, where to have children, jointly disciplining the children, schools for the children etc.

Money is one of the leading factors of divorce. It is wisdom for couples to set financial goals. You should set spiritual goals too; praying together, deepening your relationship with the creator. Volunteering together for a cause you both believe in can be part of your goals too. There should be goals that help you solidify your relationship, for example checking up on each other no matter how busy your day is going, safely disagreeing with each other without affecting your marriage negatively, having less screen time, reading to each other at bedtime or while on the road, prioritising spending time together, evolving other bonding activities apart from sex and enjoying doing this together, setting time apart for your friends, having a mentor for your marriage, choosing a place of retirement and working towards securing the place, fixing time to go visit in-laws on both sides, how, where and when to get property for the family.

How will I not include sex in this goal setting (lol) yes you read right! Sex. Set the goal of having very hot sex at least once a month, ‘not a rushing something’ (lol). I know you have children, let your support system come handy for that day, please. You too should endeavour to be a support system for others. Hmmm… the list is endless.  Add as many as you can.

AS the year runs to an end, I encourage you and your spouse to sit down and create goals for your marriage to be met this coming year (that is if you do not have already), write them down and review monthly, tick off as you see improvement or achieve them. Then set higher goals. By this time next year, I am certain you will be glad you did set the goals.