She wants more but he is satisfied

SOMETIMES the Mrs. wants more but the Mr. Is just okay with…

Wait what are you thinking about… (lol) oh!

Not that, at least we are not talking about that today, some other time, I promise.

I mean there are times when the woman wants more out of life and her partner in marriage, the man feels they are doing just great.

Take Phoebe, for instance, very optimistic, determined, hardworking, though not an A student but she holds her own anywhere she finds herself, so people were not surprised when she got a job with one of the top auditing firms as a data analyst immediately after graduation; beating three other first class students to it — she graduated with GPA of 3.5  in philosophy. Through sheer determination and hard work she took up data analytics in her sophomore year in the university and gradually got a grasp of it. Her preparedness met with opportunity as the field of data analytics was still very green when she graduated.

Her husband, Feyi, is a cool, calm, unassuming guy from a wealthy background. He studied accounting and graduated a year ahead of Phoebe.

They met in school on a rainy day, someone bumped into him and had the contents of his back scattered on the wet floor. Feyi made no fuss about it; calmly packed his stuffs while the other guy was apologising profusely; got under the sheltered space from where Phoebe was watching the whole scene while putting herself in Feyi’s shoes and playing out her reactions in her mind. She reached out for a napkin in her bag and handed it over to him to use in cleaning his books and other materials. At that moment there was a spark. 

“Thank you so much,” said Feyi

“Oh you are welcome… I wish guys are more careful, he wasn’t looking ahead that’s why he bumped into you. Sorry about your books” Phoebe said.

Oh! It’s okay, it’s a mistake, could happen to anyone. 

They got talking, exchanged numbers and………………here they are married.

FEYI had always taken things easy. He is intelligent, he takes his time, he is not pushy. Phoebe knew he could have graduated top of his class if he had pushed himself a little bit. He is gifted in so many areas but has a lacklustre attitude. He is never in a hurry. With very little effort he gets things done. If only he can push himself more…

Funny enough the qualities that attracted Phoebe to him is somewhat becoming irritating to her now that they are married.

Phoebe wished Feyi would show more interest in his father’s business rather than let his younger sister run the place; at least he is a chartered accountant. He should quit his job like the old man suggested and run his dad’s businesses. The old man is retiring in two years time. Feyi as the first born should take over… What if his younger sister gets married? What happens to the business. Phoebe cannot just understand why Feyi is not seeing the opportunities before him. He is just okay with being an employee when he can be the employer. Though he earns much, enjoys different pleasure packages from his office, they live in their own home (a home bought on mortgage) oh! She remembered how she pushed him to ask his dad for a loan as down payment on the mortgage, how she fussed, threatened to ask his father herself before he finally gave in.

Feyi really needs a big push…

SOME women find themselves married to a man like Feyi. What should they do? Keep on nagging till he conforms to their wish or should they quit the relationship since the man seems to be dragging them down?

You rarely see two people with the same temperament get married to each other; the opposite always attracts. Unfortunately, the qualities that attracted them to each other soon become the major thing that angers them about each other. A woman like Phoebe is seen as not being submissive in our clime where the major sermon on marriage is centred on submissiveness of the woman. Still it is possible to have a blossoming marriage despite the differences in temperament of the couple.

The tips below will help in having a great relationship with a man like Feyi.

NAGGING will get a woman like Phoebe nowhere with a man like Feyi. Know this and know peace.

• Avoid repeating setbacks the family experienced due to his inactions (this looks difficult, but it is achievable).
• Whet his appetite about your dream. You are his woman, stimulate his desires for those things that can help the family. Get him books, magazines, films and other materials that can be of help.
• Never make the mistake of comparing him with anyone.
• Affirm him especially before the children and praise him for every little win. Let him know you are proud of him. Every man thrives in an environment of respect and honour.
• Cherish his support for the family even if you support the family more, make him feel in charge.
• Resist the temptation of taking decisions without his input even if he says “any decision you take is okay by me,” lovingly insist on his inputs.
• Revisit your expectations and try and see things from his views.
• Choose your battles carefully, you will not always lose, you will sure win some, be contented and know when to back off.

Remember that we are all born with both weaknesses and strength, there are areas that you are weak, but he is strong highlight those areas often and celebrate him.

Above all, pray. I believe in God; I believe in Him answering prayers.

Looking forward to reading from you.

Send your questions or comments about Relationship to Dupe at [email protected]