Should I propose to my boyfriend now?

THE above question was sent to my phone by a concerned and troubled reader. At first, I thought about it in a core African woman mentality. And ‘No! Never’ was my immediate response. But I just thought aloud and didn’t reply to her directly.

Well, to aid her and other daring ladies who have given it a thought, I went on to research more about the possibility of a woman proposing to her long-time boyfriend. 

This is also open to you, my dear readers; express your mind on this. Send your opinions to me via text messages or email.

Then, I will finalise it with good reasons women should or should not propose to the guy.

From research, I gathered that: A woman dreams of the day when that special someone sinks to his knees, looks at them lovingly in the eyes, and utters those four magical words, “Will you marry me?”

In these modern times, however, many women feel the urge to pop the question and gain a commitment that they’re sure about.

How do you sidestep one of civilisation’s oldest rituals and get the man you want? Take a deep breath and get started!

There is no reason a woman cannot make a proposal to a man these days.

What may be holding you back are fairytale visions, concerns about the man’s feelings, and simply getting up the courage to ask something that can carry the risk of rejection?

Be sure that he is “the one” and that you are totally ready for this commitment before launching in. How will this change your life and can you see yourself as being fulfilled with such changes?

Before any woman considers proposing to her ‘Mr. Right, be alert to the possibility that he might be considering proposing. The following “about-to-propose” indicators might help your sleuthing.

If your boyfriend is highly responsive to your probing about spending your future together or he has initiated discussions about your future together, or the “indicators” seem to hint at a forthcoming proposal, you could decide to go ahead knowing you’re making the right decision. You could also choose to wait; since a proposal may be coming your way, but since the point of this article is not about waiting and about you doing the proposing, don’t feel obliged to wait.

On the other hand, if he seems to be fairly non-committal about the future the two of you have together, you may need to look into this a little further, although a proposal is one certain means for getting commitment issues out into the open!

While the modern approach to proposals has been turned on its head, the old-fashioned notions continue to linger. So, be understanding that there is a sense of “weirdness” for some men when it comes to a woman doing the proposing. Whether he’s the biggest jock or the biggest geek, a lot of men are uncomfortable with the idea of a woman assuming the role of the “proposer”. Ask yourself: Is your guy enlightened enough to handle this?

Consider sounding out his possible reaction by creating a fictitious scenario in which a co-worker or a friend of a friend who is a female proposed to her now-husband. Tell him about it and gauge his reaction from the story by weaving in your opinion about what happened and eliciting his views with some careful questions or statements. Based on these reactions, you will have a better idea of his responsiveness.

…to be continued next week