IN my last article, I wrote about the importance of self regulation in children, as this is a skill that would determine to a large extent, how they would function in their environment and wherever they find themselves.
Children can be aggressive sometimes, especially when they are still young, and learning to manage their emotions, but we must be able to draw the line between what is acceptable and when the child is going overboard.
So from age 7, a child should have very little occurrences of aggressive behavior, but if at 7, he still finds it difficult to get along with peers, is always causing disruptions wherever he is, especially at home, or if his actions keep affecting his daily activities, then you might need to seek professional help.
Behavior is communication. There is always a root cause for every behavior a child exhibits.
An aggressive child is trying to tell you something with that behavior. For example, a child that is not vocal enough to tell you he’s hungry, will keep hitting you and tugging at your clothes in frustration, until you’re able to decode that he needs some food.
Aggressiveness could stem from frustration, not been able to express their feelings verbally, not being able to self regulate, or it could be a disorder like ADHD, Autism, Learning Disabilities, etc.
Here are a few ways to handle aggression in children;
- Stay calm. Control your temper and manage your emotions. Don’t get into a power struggle with the child. If you express your anger in peaceful ways, your child will begin to learn from you, but if you keep having angry outbursts too, then no learning occurs.
- Remove your child from the scene where he was triggered to act aggressively so he can be calm, in preparation of your teachable moment. You can send him to a “calm down” corner you have created in the home, you can get him to do his breathing exercise (taking 5 to 7 deep breaths), he can go get a drink of water, or engage in any of the other coping skills you have taught him.
- Establish your rules, boundaries and consequences, and let them know about it.
Children would explore, they will test boundaries, but if you already have a structure in place, they will understand what you will or won’t tolerate. - If you have set consequences in place for that particular “misbehavior”, then let the child face it. For example, if he destroys his toy, then don’t buy him another one…at least not yet, so he can feel the impact of destroying his toy. You could also take away privileges so he understands that he shouldn’t go hurting others.
- Get him to apologize properly when he hurts others. Instead of just saying “I’m sorry”, let him say “I’m sorry for breaking your toy”. Apologizing this way reminds him of the action he must not repeat.
- Catch your child being good. Reinforce non-aggressive behavior by praising your child appropriately when he behaves nicely. For example, you can say this…”I loved how you didn’t hit your friend when he pushed you”. That way, you are positively reinforcing that behavior. You can also reward your child with hugs, affection and even little gifts.
- Be consistent. React to the child’s aggression the same way, always. Don’t let aggressive behavior slide today and then you try to discipline him for it the next day. Stay true and consistent to your words. Empty threats won’t work, they will only make the child undermine your authority.
Remember, every child has physical, emotional and mental needs that must be met by us, parents.
We must always try to meet these needs and also teach children healthy coping skills to help them manage their emotions.
For questions or more information on how to handle aggressive behavior in children, please send an email to [email protected] or a chat to 08154299992(WhatsApp)
You can also connect with me on Instagram (@winninginparenting) for daily value packed teachings on positive parenting.
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Thank you.
Sandra Oluwadare
Parenting Coach/Child Behavior Expert
