A PEOPLE pleaser is someone who really tries hard to make others happy. They go out of their way and even go against their values to achieve this.
Making others happy is not a bad thing but when you begin to consistently satisfy others against your wish and at the expense of your happiness and even your values, then it becomes very unhealthy.
With so much peer pressure going on today, children need to be taught boundaries and how they can also create these boundaries in their relationships even if they are very young children or teens.
How this behavior arises;
Sometimes, parents get too busy to give adequate attention to their children.
As a result, the child begins to seek ways to get attention, whether good or bad, and one of the major ways is to become people pleasers.
They begin to go out of their way to please that Aunty, Uncle, Predator etc, because these people affirm them and give them the attention they desire, and before you know it, this pattern of action sticks and becomes their behavior.
Here are some signs that could mean that your child might be a people pleaser;
1. They apologise to their friends even when they haven’t done something wrong.
2. They sacrifice a lot to avoid conflict.
3. They might not speak up for what is right.
4. They are not authentic to themselves.
5. They follow easily, they don’t express their opinion, anything goes for them.
6. They need validation from their friends before they can feel good.
7. They simply can’t say no.
8. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings.
9. They go against their values to please their friends.
As a parent, if the atmosphere in your home is not conducive, friendly, warm, it is very likely that your child might become a people pleaser.
When the atmosphere in the home is filled with strife and anger, the child begins to thread carefully and do all he/she can to avoid your outbursts of anger, and this leads them to begin to make decisions that might not help them, just because of your reaction to situations.
Dear Parent, we must realise that children see…children do!
How we react to situations leaves an indelible effect on our children.
In my audiobook, Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent, I shared in-depth about how parents can manage their emotions as intentional parents, because when your emotions are all over the place, and not properly handled, your child would begin to feel like he/she is sitting on a keg of gunpowder, not knowing when it would explode.
People pleasing is not a trait we want children to internalise.
It can lead them into a downward spiral, negative peer pressure inclusive!
Some of the children into vices today got engaged in all of those as a result of peer pressure which stemmed from people pleasing.
In the next episode, I will share with you my tested and tried strategies to help you prevent this behavior in your child, and how to help your child get to stop being a people pleaser.
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For more information on how to raise a wholesome, well balanced child or for further questions about people pleasing in children, please send an email to [email protected] or a chat to 08154299992(WhatsApp).
You can also connect with me on Instagram (@winninginparenting) for daily value packed teachings on positive parenting.
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Thank you.
Sandra Oluwadare
Parenting Coach/Child Behavior Expert
