Preventing sibling rivalry among children

TWO lovely girls…

Very intelligent…

Beautiful…

Great parents…

But the girls had different strengths.

One of them was very artistic, she could go on and on with her brushes; she would bring to life with her paint brushes imaginations from her creative juices.

She was so good, people applauded and validated her artistic prowess. But in the eyes of her parents, she was very UNSERIOUS!

The other girl was very “bookish”. She was very studious, she was an “efiko” as we would say in our local parlance.

She impressed her parents with her extensive knowledge well.

Her parents were very proud of her, and they never forgot to introduce her as their wonderful child.

They never knew they were indirectly sowing the seed of discord among the lovely sisters.

It got so bad, that their relationship got very rocky.

The art inclined sister confided in a neighbor, unfortunately, she was the wrong influence, and in the end, she left home because she felt unloved and the story didn’t end well.

She ended up in a rehab center.

SIBLING rivalry, if not handled smartly by parents will cause big problems among siblings.

In every family, once a new baby is on the way, the older child begins to feel threatened, he begins to feel that the new child will take his place; so, it becomes your duty as a parent to protect your older child’s feelings and also cultivate a great relationship between him and the new child or younger sibling as the case may be.

Here are some tips to help you cultivate a great relationship between your children;

• Spend one on one time with each of your children. This is actually one of the best ways to protect your child from being up against his sibling. You need to create time to be alone, just the two of you, it could be from at least 15 minutes upwards. This one-on-one time should be spent with each child. So, if you have three children, you need to have three one on one time. During this time, you get to share, play, engage in a conversation (if the child is already vocal), and just have fun. What you are doing is that, you are creating a deep bond and connection with your child. You are observing and taking in the uniqueness of your child, getting to know his likes and dislikes, what he stands for, his opinion about issues, etc. When you do this consistently, you are letting your child understand that he is important, and cannot be replaced by his sibling. The child begins to feel very empowered and would not see his sibling as a rival, but rather, as a team mate, and this would help create a sweet relationship between them.

•  Get physical. You need to get them laughing. Tickle them, play with them, hug them. When you do this, you are sharing love and happiness, between them. Laughter relaxes them and also reduces any form of stress or tension.

• Carry all your children along. If you have an older child and you are expecting a baby, don’t feel like it’s not a big deal to talk to your older child about the incoming baby. It’s actually a big deal, even if your older child is just 18 months old. Talk to him, tell him about his new baby bro or sis. Ask him to touch your belly, ask him to pray on your belly for his sibling, gist about the new baby together. When you need to shop for the baby, let him be a part of it. All these would begin to foster a sweet bond between him and the incoming baby, and when the baby finally comes, the foundation of the relationship would have been formed, he won’t see the child as a rival.

•  Make your older child a part of his younger sibling’s life. Let him do things for the younger child. You can have him read stories to the younger child, play with her, entertain her, teach her etc.

• Do not compare both children. Comparing your children is the fastest way to demoralise them, and also lose them to sibling rivalry. Every child has their own unique traits. One’s strength might be another one’s weakness. So, appreciate their uniqueness individually and celebrate them. No one is better than the other.

Above all, love your children. Unconditional love is the fundamental right of every child, they deserve it.

Even if you have favourites, let that knowledge be in your heart.

Be fair and just.

Once children sense that you are partial, a seed of discord is sown and it begins to grow, and might eventually have a negative impact on their relationship and lives.

Remember, great parents are not born, they are made!

So, intentionality is very key in parenting.

Once you are armed with the right information, you will be able to navigate difficult parenting situations better.

Did you find this post helpful?

 Please share your thoughts in the comments.

•  For questions regarding this topic or parenting in general, please send an email to [email protected] or 08154299992(text only). You can also connect with me on Instagram (@winninginparenting) for daily value packed teachings on positive parenting.

©Sandra Oluwadare, Parenting Coach/Child Behavior Expert