Self regulation in children…It’s importance and how to teach children

What do you do when a child throws a heavy tantrum?

It is very easy for a parent to label that child as stubborn, wicked, defiant, oppositional, heady, etc.

But the truth is that, the child is still having a hard time managing his emotions, and that’s where self regulation comes in.

We must prepare our children to be emotionally intelligent, so they can understand and know how to self regulate.

Self regulation is a skill that helps children cope well socially, mentally, and emotionally.

This skill is what helps them cope well in school, at home, and their environment.

It helps them manage their emotions, and respond appropriately to their environment.

We must understand that prefrontal cortex in the upper part of the brain of a child doesn’t get fully developed until the child is about 25.

That is the area of the brain responsible for logical thinking, problem solving, empathy, self control, etc.

So when children get overwhelmed by their big emotions, they don’t do it intentionally, they do it because they have not learnt the skill of self regulation, which will help them control their emotions.

So we see, that as children grow up, they behave more calmly even when they are upset, they are more focused, they do what is expected of them, they cooperate with others, and can adapt to environmental changes.

Here are a few ways to teach your children self regulation as a skill to cope;

1. Be a positive role model. Be emotionally intelligent. Manage your stress and emotions properly. Don’t flare up, yell and start hurling insults at the slightest provocation. Remember, that your children will mirror you, that is how the brain has been wired. So the same way you manage your emotions and handle situations is the same way your children will manage their own emotions too.
2. Meet the child’s physical and emotional needs. Ensure that the child gets enough sleep, is well fed, and engages in physical activities. Children have loads of energy, so we need to give them productive outlets to express that energy.
3. Let your expectations be age appropriate. Children get pressured when we raise the bars of expectations too high. Let’s keep it simple and realistic. Remember, that setbacks may occur considering the fact that they are children.
4. Embrace structure and consistency. Have routines you work with. Let your children know what to expect and at what time. Let them know the consequences for every rule that is broken. Have your boundaries in place, and be consistent. These will help your children stay self regulated.
5. Have an emotions vocabulary. Teach your children to label their emotions. Let them know what it means to be sad, happy, frustrated, joyful, tired, sleepy, etc. This will help them describe their feelings with the right labels. You can also make faces of these emotions as you teach them, so they get a better understanding of what it is.
6. Teach your children appropriate coping skills to help them self regulate, and pull through difficult situations. Teach them to go to their “calm down” corner, or to take 20 deep breaths, or to slowly count 1 to 10, or to take a drink of water, or to paint, or to come talk to you or a trusted friend or relative.

Self regulation is one skill that would help your child thrive. It won’t jump on that child, and it’s your duty as a parent to teach them this skill, coach and mentor them.

For more information on how to teach your children self regulation, or for further questions on this topic, please send an email to [email protected] or a chat to 08154299992(WhatsApp)

You can also connect with me on Instagram (@winninginparenting) for daily value packed teachings on positive parenting.
 
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Thank you.
 
Sandra Oluwadare
Parenting Coach/Child Behavior Expert