‘If you want your child to feel discouraged, keep using negative words on them, but if you want to positively mentor your child and set them up for success, then you need to switch to using positive and empowering words as you raise your child’
AS children get on their journey of development, the words spoken to them leave an indelible mark in their lives.
Words can make or break children. Especially negative words from their parents, minders or guardians.
The kind of words a child hears from the home can leave him with a damaged self esteem, because the negative labels begin to look like his reality. He begins to see himself exactly as you have labelled him.
When you keep calling your child unintelligent, he will begin to accept that label and with time, would begin to act like he’s truly unintelligent, because he is already accepting that negative label as his reality.
We live in a fast paced world today, where so many things are contesting for our attention, stress levels are high and it seems just okay to snap and yell at our children when they get on our nerves and provoke us, but we must also not forget that our actions and words would leave an impression in the minds of our children. They won’t forget them easily, some even have to go through therapy in their adult years to recover from their damaged self esteem.
If you want your child to feel discouraged, keep using negative words on them, but if you want to positively mentor your child and set them up for success, then you need to switch to using positive and empowering words as you raise your child.
Here are a few ways to empower your child and build their self esteem;
- Catch them being good. Don’t call out your child only when they make mistakes or engage in inappropriate behaviour, let them know you saw them when they acted well, and let them know you appreciate that behaviour. For instance, oh son, I saw how you shared your snack with your sister, that was so kind of you. The child may not even have known that you were watching. He will be proud of himself and you would have reinforced that behaviour, he will then strive to do more of that.
- Affirm them. Sing their praises. Tell them how special they are. Tell them how blessed you are to have them. This is a serious self esteem booster.
- Let your expectations be realistic. Most children are under pressure as a result of unrealistic demands their parents have placed on them. Let your expectations be age appropriate, else, you would begin to negatively label your child because he is not meeting your expectations.
- Connect with your emotions. Find ways to regulate your emotions so you don’t explode each time your children don’t meet your expectations. Identify the things that trigger you and find safe ways to exhale and let out these emotions in ways that won’t affect your relationship with your children.
- Stay calm. Remember that as a parent, you are a coach and a mentor to your child. How they see you react to things is how they would learn to react too. Have in your full view your goal as a parent. When you always remember the kind of child you want to raise, it would help checkmate your actions and words.
- Self care. Take care of yourself as a parent. Don’t take your needs for granted. A stressed, tired and exhausted parent will be on the edge, and is more likely to hurl negative words at their children. So create time to rest, refresh and rejuvenate. You will be a better parent that way. Rest when you need to, eat healthy meals, do exercise routines, engage in your hobbies, read, have fun. All these would keep you in touch with your emotions and make you calmer.
When you practice these tips above, you would be more regulated to use the right words on your children as you go through the journey of parenthood.
For more information on how to raise wholesome and well balanced children or if you would like to have me speak at a school, church, or other related events, send an email to [email protected] , [email protected] or send a whatsapp chat to 08154299992.
You can also connect with me on Instagram (@winninginparenting) www.Instagram.com/winninginparenting for value packed teachings on positive parenting.
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Thank you.
Sandra Oluwadare
Parenting Coach/Child Behavior Consultant
